The baked goods are getting smarter.
One step closer to a Cupcake Supremacy.
i’ve got nothin. So I’ll leve you with this tidbit.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m the youngest person in my office. One of the few guys that work there was standing around talking to a few of us the other day. He asked where I lived and then asked if I had roommates. I said I lived with my boyfriend and that’s where things got really weird. He wasn’t being outright rude, but his tone just bothered me, like *I’m a kid, what do I know about life.* He started going on about how when he was my age they “didn’t play marriage.” I desperately wanted to tell him that when he was my age they also probably didn’t meet people on social networking sites that have a 140 character limit either.
Sucks to be him.
Now, I’m sure this comes as no surprise to those reading, but I have never been one to be fawned over in real life. In internet life – sure, on occasion, but real life hitting on hasn’t been too frequent. Which is absolutely fine because I am already socially awkward, so adding in a stranger holla-ing at me and things get super awkward super fast. On occasion though, some strange man will decide I strike his fancy. When we used to go out, this might happen at a bar, but most often I get attention when I am oblivious and unkempt.
Take, for instance, the first time I got a physical phone number. Earlier this year I was waiting to see someone about unemployment and the security guard upstairs phoned the security guard downstairs to give me his (upstairs guy’s) phone number on my way out. Never mind that I’m obviously unemployed and poor, I had to wake up super early to get there, so I wasn’t looking my best. I know for a fact I didn’t even brush my hair that day, because I was so amazed at getting the phone number, I made note of how bad I was looking.
I’ve also gotten hit on on the bus a few times, most of these times being on the way home from work. And I’ve had some labor intensive jobs so not only did I look tired, I probably looked all gross and sweaty. Yet something in this appeals to the creepers that decide to hit on me.
This is all a lot of back story to lead up to what I was told today.
Now, as you know, yesterday I went to the dentist and got a tooth pulled. I knew the day was going to suck, so I dressed comfortably in jeans and a hoodie. I had to come to work afterwards, so thank the fsm my work dress code is non-existent.
So the extraction didn’t go remotely as planned and was a horrible experience I’ll write about later. I cried the entire time and even a bit afterwards because I was in so much pain.
So imagine me sitting at work yesterday. Hoodie and a messy ponytail, makeup mostly cried off, huge wad of gauze in my mouth, bloodshot eyes, and I had taken a pain killer but was unable to eat, so also add the fact that I’m basically a zombie.
Lovely mental image, no?
Flash to this morning when my coworker leans over to my desk.
“You know Dude Guy?”
“That came by yesterday with that metal cart?”
“Oh, okay, yea.”
“Well, I got an email from Other Guy yesterday asking me ‘How old is Katrina, does she have a boyfriend, and do you think she’d go out with Dude Guy.”
“I told him too young, yes and she lives with him.”
“Yea, the email said not to mention it to anyone, but I was telling my daughter last night and she said that I HAD to tell you.”
Which on one hand, I’m glad she told me, but on the other hand, AWKWARD! The guy in question works in the building somewhere but I have no idea where and he only comes by every once in a while, but still. He, like everyone in this office is at least 10 years older than me, if not more. And I look 17! And I was a complete wreck yesterday.
I just kept repeating “ohmygoddd” to my co-worker and she was like “I could tell. I knew yesterday even before I got that email.” Which either she is super good at reading people or I am even more oblivious that I previously thought.
Hello, awkward police?
Working with the public on a daily basis brings up reminders of past jobs where I was also lucky enough to work with some of Pittsburgh’s finest.
I worked for about a year and a half at Victoria’s Secret. As you can imagine, working in a lingerie (and I use that term loosely) store is a goldmine for hilarity. The perverted phone calls, the young girls buying clothing way too mature for them, the mature ladies buying clothing way too young for them…it was pretty much endless blog fodder.
But alas, I was the stock boy. Working in the back opening boxes, I only got to hear these stories over the headset and very occasionally witness them.
In February of last year, our store underwent renovations. Since the closing left everyone but the managers jobless, the other stores would occasionally call us up and offer us some hours. Which is how I spent 2 months sporadically working at Ross Park.
And how I determined that I would never ever, under any circumstances work in a mall. Being secluded over in Shadyside we had a very specific clinetele. Namely older women and college students. Of course they were still annoying as hell, but we didn’t really get the tween crowd. Occasionally we’d get some guys shopping for their ladies, but typically they were wealthy businessmen.
Not so much at the mall. So as I said, I was a stock boy. But at Ross Park we were called in to pretty much to be bodies on the floor, so that’s what I did. I walked around and straightened things and pointed people in the right direction. (If they even noticed I worked there, which I didn’t go out of my way to advertise.) So one night I’m working and this older guy comes up to me.
“Hi, can I help you find anything?”
“Yea, I need a present for my lady.”
“Okay, what were you looking for?”
“Oh, I don’t know, I need something sexy.”
As I hold back a laugh, I look at my customer. A probably 55 year old man, dressed in light wash jeans and a muscle shirt. Very grandfather/construction worker.
“Okay, well we have lots of things that she’d probably like…” and I take him over to the Angels room, which is kind of a milder sexy, something I thought appropriate for what I’m assuming is a 50 year old woman.
“This is one of our newer pieces” I say, holding up something remotely sexy, “Do you know what size she is?”
“Uh…do you have anything sexier? Something in a thong?”
“Oh,” I say trying to hide my surprise, “Yea, I guess this is more of our everyday sleepwear, this other stuff might work better,” I say as I lead him out of the Angels room and into the (semi-aptly named) Very Sexy section.
“How about any of these?”
“Oh, I like this one,” he says as he holds up a teddy with a little skirt attached, “but I’d really like something in a thong, something A LOT sexier.”
I continue to rifle through things, looking for something skirted and in a thong.
“What size did you say she was again?”
“Oh, uh, I dunno. I have some pictures of her here on my phone…” he says as he pulls out his cellphone.
“Oh god oh god oh god.” I silently chant, scared to death exactly what sort of pictures Grandpa Construction is going to be showing me. He fumbles for a few minutes before settling on one.
“Here’s my girl!,” he says as he beams and shows me the photo.
I very hesitantly lean over and look, bordering on terrified. And I see an older woman standing in front of a Harley, fully clothed (THANK YOU FSM).
He flips through a few more photos showing Grandma Construction in front of a tree, on a bench, etc. The more photos he flips through the more nervous I get. She’s wearing a tank top and jeans in most of them, but I am terrified of what else is on that phone.
“Oh, she looks like she’d probably be a medium,” interrupting the slideshow and turning away, pointing him to the section of the rack with mediums.
At this point Elyse pops up laughing as she’s seen me lead this old man around the ENTIRE store, and let’s me know we’re done with our shifts.
Grandpa studies the teddy he’s holding and the photos on his phone and reconsiders, “Hey, you got anything…you know…without the crotch?”
I inform him that I must go but someone will be with him shortly, and pretty much run into the back room making a mental note to bleach my brain whenever I got home.
This should probably be a regular feature on here, as I don’t really have much fodder otherwise and oh my lord, the amount of stupidity I have to put up with in a day.
So a few days ago I had one of the worse experiences ever. I was on cash register and another girl was over at the bar. We were pretty slow, so it was just the two of us and there was no one in line. And then a lady walks in.
She walks up to the counter and I don’t think I was looking in her direction but she says “A small coffee.”
I said, “A tall coffee?”
And she ignores me. To the girl behind bar, she says “Miss, can I have a small house coffee?”
Laurie and I look at each other kind of confused but Laurie says “Sure” and walks over to pour the coffee.
“1.66$,” I say and the lady ignores me and goes to hand her card to Laurie who is not even in arm’s reach.
“I’m the only one with the register?” I said and took her card from Laurie.
“I can’t believe Starbucks would hire you.”
“People like you, this is ridiculous. ‘1.66$!'” she continues, mocking me.
“Miss, you know what I mean,” she says to Laurie.
I just stand there flabbergasted and go to hand her back her debit card. She grunts and slams her hand on the counter indicating for me to set it down. So I set it down and she picks it up. She continues screaming at me, saying things to the effect of not believing Starbucks would hire people like me and pretty much calling me a terrible human being.
“Can I get a receipt?!” She screams.
“Oh, sorry…” I say and print her one. What I wanted to say? “If you would stop SCREAMING at me, maybe I could think and would have offered you one.”
“Oh sorry! Oh sorry!” she shrieks, continuing to mock me.
She turns to leave and on her way out, she continues to scream at me saying that she can’t believe I’m allowed to work there and Bill Gates is behind it and he’s the devil and yada yada yada. So apparently, me and Bill are in cahoots?
She walks out the door and I say “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT.”
Another girl came out of the back partway through the exchange and is doubled over in the corner laughing. I walk to the back and tears immediately start to form. “WHAT THE HELL. WHAT did I DO?!” And then I started to cry.
The girl I was with sees me and is like “Omg, no. She’s crazy.”
And then I realized her mumbling about Bill Gates probably pointed to her being bat-shit-insane. But at the time I was so confused and so flustered that I just didn’t even think of that.
I told someone I worked with the story the next day and she described the lady. “Yes! That’s her!”
“Oh, she’s been in here before, I kicked her out after she told us that every one of our children were going to be born possessed because she put a curse on us.”
But the fun doesn’t stop there.
Later that night some lady came in and took her venti mocha in the bathroom with her. She was apparently arguing with someone on her cellphone and thought it would be a stellar idea to throw the 20oz of mocha against the wall in the bathroom. And then calmly come out and tell the guys working that she did it and “[she] just thought they should know.”
I do not get paid enough for this shit.
This happened almost 3 years ago but it is one of my favorite stories ever.
I used to work at a little grocery store in my hometown. It was aptly called The Tiny Store and was a good time. Very laid back. Canonsburg is a relatively small town and with any small town, it is full of some fine people.
June 1, 2006, 4pm. I was working with this girl Brandy. There was a couple comprised of two shady characters that had been trying to pull some stuff for a few weeks that would come in all the time. They would frequently try to short change me and the male half was arrested 2 weeks prior for trying to pay for cigarettes with a thousand dollar bill. (He ran out with the cigarettes after handing over the fake bill.)
So anyways, the female half of the shady couple comes in to cash her boyfriends check. I know that her boyfriend is in jail and forever banned, but I wasn’t really sure about her status and kind of didn’t care. We make sure her check clears, it was only 27$ and Brandy goes to cash it whilst I ring up another customer.
Now I drew a picture to give you a better feel for what happened next. After cashing her check, I was ringing up this kids debit thing and so my back was turned for a whole 24 seconds.
(Picture is huge but w/e, doors are to the bottom right)
Oh another bit of info, underneath that drawer was a cupboard, in the cupboard was a box with 200$ worth of change. When we needed change for our register, we’d take the change out of the box, and put the money for it in an envelope in the drawer. Now pretty much anyone could have known it was there, we were never sneaky about it. But in my five years, there was never a problem. There could be close to 200$ in the envelope, all dependent upon when it was last settled.
I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this.
So Brandy was over on the other side, I’m at the debit thing, and when I turn back around, Brandy is already back at my counter, and the drawer is open a little bit. I figured Brandy just did something. And then I realized that didn’t make any sense. So the lady walks to the right around the counters and is asking Brandy for cigarettes.
“Brandy, did you take that envelope out of there?”
And the lady is out the door.
“That lady just took it!” I spun around and my brother was in line (at this point I had no idea how much money was in there)
“ROSS, GO GET MIKE!” (Mike = boss)
“GET HIM, NOW!”
Ross runs back to the deli, “Uh, Mike, Katrina needs you and I think it’s important.”
Mike runs up and I tell him “That lady just took the envelope!” He goes out the door after her.
And oh this isn’t even the best part.
So he’s gone for like 15 minutes, I’m shaking from the adreneline rush. Comes back with the cops, Shady Lady in the backseat. I count the change, she only took 37$. But the best part is what transpired after Mike got out the door.
So we know the Shady Couple lives in these apartments close to the store, so when Mike ran out the door, he went that way. On his way back he sees an envelope crammed into the hedge. OUR envelope because Ryan had written “Money for my pimp” on it. (See, best job ever.)
So Mike knows she went this way. He sees a guy and asks him if he saw the lady. He said he did and that she was shoving something in her underwear. Delighted, I’m sure, Mike continues toward her apartment.
(She was MESSED up, otherwise she totally could have been gone.)
He finally spots her in the middle of the street and yells for her to stop and give him the money back or the cops will be knocking on her door.
“I don’t got any money, I don’t got any!” she shrieks waving her arms all around.
I don’t know what Mike said next but it prompted her to lift up her dress, flashing all of the world and drop her underwear.
And then Mike saw the money.
Sticking out…of exactly where you think it was.
So, uh, wanna know the price for a body cavity search? Apparently 37$.
Something made me think of my old job the other day. It’s been flitting around the outskirts of my brain the past few days because I haven’t allowed myself to spend any time thinking about it. In the few months since I’ve been gone, I’ve gone to visit twice and it’s helped, but I’m not sure I can do it again.
For those new to my life, I used to work in a daycare. I was in the toddler room, 18 2-year olds to 3 teachers. I worked there for a short 6 months and it was both the best and worst job that I’ve ever had. They are so smart, able to do almost everything for themselves, but yet still babies.
I spent most of my day trying to prevent conflict and then trying to resolve conflict when I ultimately failed. I don’t think the kids took me very seriously. I’m kind of a pushover when it comes to…well anything…and I think the kids saw me as more of their equal than their teacher. But it meant they liked me best, so I was okay with that.
I had a lot of problems with the management as well as the other teachers. I felt that I did far more than my share of work and got no recognition for it. I also went to the management a few times about issues I was having and never saw any results. That more than anything is what drove me from the job. I felt completely unappreciated by my bosses. The parents were great though.
And the kids. My kids. My babies. I am crying as I write this and I spent both visits to the center bawling my eyes out. I miss them so much. They were so smart and so funny and so goddamn adorable.
The last time I went to visit the kids were out on a buggy ride and I was probably 30 yards away walking up the street. I was straining to see who was in the buggy before my eyes can even focus I hear “Trina!!!” Cue my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces.
It wasn’t always easy or fun. I got bit, hit, scratched. I got a chair thrown at me. I had to change ~20 diapers a day (oftentimes more, see: problems with other teachers) help wash ~18 hands 4-5 times a day. My lap was never mine but rather whichever 3 kids got to it and squished themselves onto it first.
But there were a few kids would cry and cling to me begging me not to go, if I left before their parents got there.
There was a little girl that at some point decided my name was Ms. Chicken and wouldn’t call me anything else.
There was my favorite girl, my daughter, who never ever left my side.
There were the parents that would tell me that their kid adored me and wouldn’t stop talking about me at home.
The kids that asked me to come to their house or if they could come to mine.
The hugs and the kisses and I don’t care that I was sick for 6 months straight and got strep throat from them, I miss them with every single cell in my body.
But I don’t think that I can ever go back. Because they may not have forgotten me yet, but they’re going to. I’m going to be one in a long line of daycare teachers that they have. And even if I was the best and even if I loved them the most, they are going to forget me and I can’t handle that.